About a couple months back, I took a blog and dedicated it to the eldest of my two children (Peanut). Today I’d like to introduce you to my youngest whose nickname is Squeaky. If you don’t have children, then you may not want to read today’s entry.
Please understand that I am not attempting to force you into viewing my family photo album (so-to-speak), rather, to have you realize where one’s potential begins, and how to harness and then delicately guide a young person’s qualities so that they consistently utilize their strengths as they mature into adults.
Squeaky is not only beautiful, but full of energy AND…a one-person demolition team. She is creative beyond compare and can turn something simple into something that NO ONE could have ever imagined. Watch out world!
Squeaky can take something as simple as a bowl of gelato and turn it into a painting on the kitchen table. While some parents are trying to raise princesses, we are raising two confident, strong women who we’re not trying to fit into the model established by the current environment. In other words, at this young age, we encourage our children to sample what life has to offer, rather than attempting to barricade them into activities that girls are “supposed to like.”
Squeaky is not afraid to assert herself. When she was in preschool, it turned out that her class consisted of mostly boys and two girls. At the parent-teacher conference, her teachers told us that – on days when she wasn’t in class (usually because we were traveling), during play time, no one knew what to do. Squeaky would assign everyone their roles. That’s when she was 4.
Squeaky can turn everything into fun. She is her own amusement park. There isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t receive an invitation to a performance or a party that is to take place that evening…in our family room.
It is that kind of energy and creativity that many parents attempt to corral so that the kids don’t interrupt an evening of watching important television shows like Dancing With The Stars and American Idol. I always laugh when a parent tells me how important “family” is – but is then able to tell me what she watched on the past evening’s television schedule. Many parents I know try to put their kids on militaristic nap schedules…err…”for the good of of the child,” and yet, when you watch the development, what you get is a kid who is ready for George Orwell’s 1984. It’s craziness, yet sadly, insanely common.
If you’ve read this far, then perhaps you are one of the few (the intelligent) that understand the underlying message of today’s blog post: LET YOUR CHILDREN FLOURISH! Their future potential begins when they are young, not when they get out of college. Many parents bring children in this world, and then follow the advice of a book which tells them to dictate sleep time, feeding time, etc. Might as well let them roam the fields with the horses and cows. Good grief.
I am not telling anyone how to be a parent. What I am talking about is your child’s REAL potential. If you would like to limit your child’s potential, do the following:
1). Mandate nap time
2). Mandated sleep “night-night” time
3). Spank them (i.e. “Spare the rod…” crap – religious nut-jobs)
The last one is what REALLY gets me. Hmm, you spank your children ONLY because you (yes, YOU) lack any other non-physical ability to establish reward and punishment, or because a religious book tells you that’s what you should do (LOL, LOL, LOL). But then, when your child becomes an adolescent, you tell him or her NOT to hit others, and when he or she gets older, not to strike his or her spouse. Okay. So what you’re saying is that WHAT you do to a child (hitting them…errr…even if YOU call it “a little spanking”) and WHATÂ you say to a child (i.e. “You’re a bad kid…you’re a loser…you’re stupid”) is really irrelevant. Meanwhile, their unconscious mind is absorbing your actions and words LIKE A SPONGE. Great job…STUPID!
DUMB PARENT: “Shut up Swerdlick! You suck! That book, Baby Super-Smart, told me to put my kid down at 6:30, shut the door, and let them cry themselves to sleep. If they don’t stop crying, I’m supposed to spank them and then recite quotes from my religious book like, ‘I cast you out, I cast you out, I cast you out.’ See!!! What the hell do you know?”
DR. MARC: “Hey, I am SURE that your child will thank you for hitting them. I’m SURE that it won’t create permanent impressions in their brain that will later come back to haunt you. After all, you are trying to mold them into something great by telling them WHEN their body requires food (because – don’t you know that all bodies are the same…LOL), WHEN they should sleep, and WHEN they should be quiet…like during important educational programs like The Emmy Awards and The Oscars.
You know what’s funny?
When we go out to a restaurant with my kids, without telling them, my kids behave fantastically awesome. I was Prenoic from the very beginning – without threats, and it paid off. On the other hand, when my kids are at home and they make a mess, that’s okay. They are kids! They are supposed to make a mess! And if my daughters want to dress “creatively,” then WHY NOT? Most parents put the kids in cute little Garanimal-like outfits (yes, I know – I’m aging myself), and if the kids come home with stains, watch out. Crazy!
They payoff in school has been even bigger. My kids are polite, respectful, responsible, and secure in knowing that their home is not a mental or physical prison. Squeaky can express herself and allow her brain run free. On the other hand, many children will go home and wonder if it’s okay to have a snack without the parent’s permission. In turn, when they DO get a chance to eat, they will stuff their face like a dog that’s been freed from a full day in a crate. Great job! Hey…don’t worry about it – it’s not like there’s a childhood obesity problem or anything. Oh, and don’t worry about what you feed the kids. Give them lots of juice, cookies, and chips…errr…because that’s what ALL THE OTHER POPULAR PARENTS are doing, and you DO want to be popular – just like them.
Here’s the clincher:
When you start a plant off so that it has strong roots, you get a great plant from which develops great fruit or vegetables. When you purchase something nice, and treat it well, it returns the favor by giving you consistent performance. But that’s not how most parents start off their children. They start the children off with such restrictions and punishment that it’s no wonder why these kids have problems later on in life. Yes, kids need to understand right from wrong, discipline, reward and punishment, etc. But there are many ways to accomplish that goal – most of which come from stepping back and looking at what you want as the end product:
KID: “You keep hitting me and yelling at me!”
PARENT: “That’s what my bible told me to do. One day you’ll thank me!”
KID: “I think you’re an a-hole.”
PARENT: “You’ll see…when I’m gone, you’ll thank me! Wait until you have kids…you’ll see!!!”
Personally, I want children who enjoy their childhood, and whose memories are filled with smiles. I don’t want to be like MOST parents who sit there and tell their kids, “We did what we HAD to do…duh…err…one day, when you have kids, you’ll thank us!” I see. So you robbed your kid of a childhood so that they could be a better adult? What about their f__king childhood a-hole? The only people who thank their parents for being so strict, are the folks who live in denial. Take a REAL look at their marriage and you’ll see the full picture. Oh sure, the kids are enrolled in umpteen activities – but when they get home, their is very little love. What you see instead is a dad who wants a son to be the athlete that he never was, and a mom who wants her daughter to become Shawn Johnson (the gymnast).
As for us (my wife and I), we’re going to let Squeaky be Squeaky. We’re not going to put a cage around a growing tree. Creative clothing, creative ideas, and creative thinking are what create independence and an entrepreneurial spirit later in life. If my children choose to work in a cubical later in life or do something that requires a limited mind, then so be it. That’s their choice. But WE (my wife and I) are going to provide them with a foundation that will serve as the springboard to great opportunities that life has to offer…should they choose to pursue them.
Have A GREAT Day!
…Dr. Marc