If you’ve known me for any length of time,
then you know that I don’t enjoy BS.
Life’s too short for CRAP (so-to-speak).
When I say “X” – I mean X. And when I say “Y” – I mean Y.
Many people whom I’ve met along my journey through life have become so used to BS that they automatically assume that I too play the BS game. For the record, I DO NOT!
In a work environment, I make it very clear as to how I operate (my modus operandi). I specifically outline to those who are invited onto my team, what IS and IS NOT acceptable. And I make sure that there is absolutely no doubt as to my intent. I truly believe in the idiom, “Forewarned = Forearmed.” In other words, if you break one of Dr. Marc’s Rules, then you’re in the crapper.
On a personal level, I’m the very same way. I verbally, and in some cases – literally post rules – no different than the Pool Rules that you’ll often see posted at the entrance to a public swimming area (i.e. no splashing, no diving, no urinating, no pooping, etc.).
For example, I don’t “do” sports. I play a lot of sports, and I am much more active than most guys my age, but I don’t spend beautiful fall days sitting on a couch for three or four hours – watching a game. I’d rather be outdoors than sitting in front of the television. I don’t have a problem with anyone who loves to watch sports, but I don’t move with the herd – even if that means standing alone.
My eating habits aren’t “perfect,” yet – I am happy to report that most of the time, my wife, kids and I eat very healthy. When someone gets upset with me because I won’t let my kids go to most of the fast food chains, or eat certain forms of junk food, I explain to them that I am not interested in having my kids face some of life’s health challenges, and that my issue with obesity isn’t just about appearance: It’s about all the fat that’s caking around your organs and what that does in terms of “challenging” your life. And it’s about HOW your poor health choices will affect those around you (your spouse, children, etc.).
My Point?
My point is this: I like to let people know the rules of MY game – before they decide whether or not I am worth their time (both professionally and personally). I’ve told my wife that my tolerance for going out with couples in which the guy has a personality that’s one step below a piece of toast – is very low. I don’t like to feel like I’m pulling teeth in a conversation. I don’t like to talk about politics, because – to ME, it’s like complaining about the weather. I don’t like to talk about religion, because – to ME, there’s no point in arguing about whose B-E-L-I-E-F is correct.
As early as our very first date, I explained to my wife Katy – my views with regard to all kinds of stuff. I wanted it to be crystal clear (“How clear? CRYSTAL!”) that, if she decide to have me wrapped and take me home, she understood what she was getting. I wanted to make it clear that this guy wasn’t going to be “changed” (as is the fate with many men and women who become dominated noodles after many years of marriage). Being the intelligent, beautiful, and wonderful person she was (and still is), she took the time to understand that being forewarned is being forearmed. That leads to a level of “clarity” that most couples do not enjoy. FYI: Katy then proceeded to give me a little forewarning :).
A lot of challenges in life – both professionally and personally, are a result of a lack of forewarning. You hire someone after convincing them that you’re “the nicest person they’ll ever work for,” but in reality – are nothing like the picture you painted in the interview. I tell anyone who is about to work for me or with me, that I am a control freak – and damn proud of it. I like to do things right – because it’s MY reputation that’s at stake. Most people have a victim mentality, and as a result, reframe being a control freak as being BAD.
I have definite opinions on things. Because most folks are weak, many men and women who I know (who – not surprisingly, are also attracted to weakness), characterize someone who has strong opinions as being “overly opinionated.” I am one of those guys who is “overly opinionated” – but only in areas of life that are of interest to me. Ask me what I think about NASCAR, and the only thing you’ll hear emanating from my body is the sound of my breathing. And as I stated earlier, if you ask me about politics and religion, you’ll basically get the same response. Nada. Zilch. Zippo. Zero.
My adulthood mantra has been to “Put it out there in the beginning so that there are no surprises in the end.” The way I recommend you implement a similar “forewarning” strategy is one of the topics covered at the HEADSPACE Seminar in Las Vegas this coming Fall – October 8-9, 2010 (shameless plug). This strategy is equally important – both professionally and on a personal level. If you go through life always compromising – both at home and at work, it’s because you didn’t spend enough time laying down YOUR rules at the very beginning. Tisk, tisk, tisk.
Have A GREAT Day!
…Dr. Marc