There’s an interesting phenomenon that I’d like to discuss with you today:
It’s called Devastation.
In my world (the DARK World…as I define the DARK World – a place where you call it as you see it), Devastation is something that’s truly heartbreaking. For example, the recent tragedy in Tuscon, AZ was devastating. What crushed ME the most was the loss of that 9 year old little girl – Christina Green. As a father of two girls (one who is 9), I can’t tell you how much that tragedy punched me in the chest. My heart goes out to all the families that were impacted by that tragedy, but especially to the family of Christina Green.
You cannot prepare for something like the Tuscon tragedy. Bad things happen as a result of people who have self-imposed, circumstantial, and of course, mental problems. You never know when someone’s ticking time bomb will explode.
There are many tragedies that occur that could be described as being Devastating, but expected and/or anticipated events ARE NOT on the list. And NO, it’s not relative to each individual.
At lunch last week, I heard a woman talking with her friends about the passing of her mother. She was talking so f__king loud that the entire restaurant could hear her. Her mom was 86 and died of cancer. The daughter (the woman who was having lunch) basically was telling her friends how “devastated” she was, and how the passing of her mom basically stopped her life for nearly two years.
The fact that this grown woman had the nerve to proclaim devastation in comparison to the true DEVASTATING losses faced by many in our country – and around the world, is to me, unacceptable and downright irritating. I wanted to walk over to their table and take a dump on her pile of pasta (which they really should not have been eating given the footprint of all of their exceedingly gigantic “nook and cranny” asses). No wonder they needed such a large booth.
I’ve heard other people proclaim themselves as being devastated victims of the economy, devastated victims of their “bad” parents, devastated victims of their profession, etc.
It’s SICKENING!
I can understand if you are sad by the loss of a parent, but at 86 – it should be expected. And if that woman did not prepare herself (early on) for the death of her mom, then shame on her. I don’t mean to be so cold, but really – to be “devastated” and then psychologically paralyzed for two years because her mother, err, died at the age of 86? Really? Seriously?
Foolish mistakes, lack of forethought, and poor planning turn folks into victims. Yet, try to put yourself in the shoes of Christina Green’s parents. Their beautiful 9 year old little girl has been taken from them. She was NINE YEARS OLD – not 86 years old!
Some folks out there (maybe even YOU) dig yourself into a little hole called “VICTIMHOOD.” It’s a place where a delayed flight to Cancun during Spring Break generates a response like, “God’s treating me like crap!” Really? First of all, no higher power has anything to do with your flight – you stupid ass! I actually heard a woman complaining at O’Hare about a 50 minute delay – to Cancun – with her family – on Spring Break. At the same time that this woman was complaining, somewhere – a little kid was lying in a hospital bed, a few minutes from dying of cancer. Now compare that to a 50 minute delay to a deluxe all-inclusive week-long vacation in Cancun.
People don’t save enough money for retirement, and then complain about the system treating them poorly. People go to school to become teachers, and then complain about low pay (as if that low pay for teachers was ever a hidden secret), and the fact that we would actually like to hold them accountable so that they aren’t teaching things like “The world is flat and the South won the Civil War!” Who the hell ever decided to give teachers tenure without having them take an occasional exam to see if they remember, err, HOW THE HELL TO TEACH? Who was the Einstein behind that tenure decision? Don’t tell me – I already kow.
A week doesn’t go by when I don’t run into someone who’s just gone through a divorce. It’s not a fun experience to be sure. But here’s the thing: Don’t sit there and claim that you’re a victim. Not every situation is about the other person doing everything wrong. In many cases, what happens in a marriage is that the sex stops, the emphasis on physical appearance goes in the dumper, and pretty much – life gets almost mechanistic. Oh sure, a chick and her large friends will say that things decline because of family and kids, but perhaps that’s not how the guy’s looking at it. The same can be said if things were the other way around. If your marriage doesn’t include a lot of sex, working out, and a lot of COUPLE TIME, then one of two things will happen: (A) You will learn to live in a static marriage that you will say is “awesome” to your pals, and say things like, “We complete each other and we’re each other’s best friend…” OR (B) Your marriage will turn to crap and you will learn to hate each other. That’s it…A or B. A marriage should be both fun and rewarding. There should be LOTS of sex. That’s why God created Victoria’s Secret and other “dirty” attire (mmmmm).
The Point: Don’t reframe lack of clarity in how both of you see a marriage, and of course, your unrealistic expectations – as DEVASTATION. There is no such thing as a “Devastating” divorce – just a divorce that was growing like a bad weed. You can see it growing, but you choose to ignore it.
MOST folks out there walk through life under-prepared for what easily could be prevented with a little THOUGHT. Now I realize that most of you gravitate to speakers and gurus who tell you that “It’s not your fault.” Let me, the DARK LORD, be the first to tell you that IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!!!
You eat like crap, and now you’ve got ___ disease! How the hell did that happen? Sure, ___ CAN strike anyone, but if you want to swing things out of your favor, just do everything wrong and then tell everyone, “Everything in moderation…everything in moderation…everything in moderation…” Let me be the first to tell you that your body doesn’t understand the “moderation” thing. Not even a little. That’s just your brain talking. Garbage in – garbage STAYS in. Garbage doesn’t leave. The Point: Don’t tell me how you spent the last 15 years being responsible with regard to exercise and dietary habits, started getting in shape 5 years ago, and can’t believe you’ve been struck by this terrible disease. Are you kidding me? Please tell me that you’re not that dumb! Please! Please!
Do me a favor: Don’t EVER tell that you were devastated by what could have been anticipated…by what could have been prepared for…and by what could have been avoided had you just PLANNED. Devastation is reserved for real tragedy, not stupidity or foolishness. DO NOT dishonor the memory of those folks, like Christina Green, who did nothing other than being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
THINK ABOUT IT!
…Dr. Marc – The DARK LORD of Life