I have very little patience for many individuals who I meet in person and/or that I chat with via email or telephone. It’s not their problem, it’s mine. The exceptions, of course, are my awesome wife and incredible daughters. After all, they are forced to be patient with me (which is no easy task), so it only seems fair that I should be patient with them. The fact of the matter is that I am just one of these folks who doesn’t like to WAIT…for anything.
Sooo…when it comes to listening to someone’s story specific to a situation in which a conversation went terribly wrong – and the cause of the disaster was not the content, I have to admit wanting to put my hand over their mouth and saying, “Enough said – HERE is where you f__ed up!”
The conversation they were referencing could have been with a spouse, a child, or a business associate. It wouldn’t have mattered. Whether you are trying to persuade your spouse to not wear that horrible floral pattern, trying to persuade your kid to clean up his/her room, or trying to persuade a prospect to become a client; if all the factors are not in place, then you will fail in your endeavor.
There are number of things that can go wrong in communication, but two of the biggest areas of concern are context and priming. Priming refers to the preface to communication, and context refers to everything else except the words. Priming involves the verbal component of “setting the stage.” Context refers to the environment. We explore both aspects of communication (priming and context) in the HEADSPACE Seminar (shameless plug).
Taking the time to consider potential malfunctions is not manipulation, rather, it’s completely focusing on the goal of the communication. From my perspective, whether it’s a casual conversation or the biggest “pitch” of your life (i.e. a speech to kick off a campaign for President Of The United States), what you should be doing is regularly asking yourself, “What should I do to insure the very best possible outcome?”
There are many facets to avoiding malfunctions, and there is an order in how you must proactively prepare for the very best outcome. If you execute your communication incorrectly, then it is YOU who is responsible for the lackluster outcome.
As you might expect, most people think they are excellent communicators, and as you might also expect, most people are anything but. Folks like to count their success and disregard their failures, and yet – most successful people disregard their successes and build on their failures (lol).
When I point out a communication malfunction, I am quickly “schooled” in just how wrong I was and how it M-U-S-T be something else that lead to the undesired outcome. The reason that folks believe that communication malfunctions have little to do with priming or context is because they want to put a lot of stock in the power of words, rather than in all facets of the delivery. In other words, they can control the actual language – but that’s all they can control (or so they think).
If you’ve attended any of my seminars, then you understand that CONTROL (which is not “controlling”), where applicable, is a powerful ally. And when it comes to communication, having control over the priming and context are key assets in achieving your goal – even if that goal is to have your kid clean up his or her room.
The next time you have something important to say, please ask yourself the following: If you were the recipient of the message that you were about to communicate, how would you like the message presented?
Sure, it may seem a little silly at first, but let me ask you this: Is a marriage proposal on a couch during a commercial break during a football game the same as a marriage proposal on a beach in Tahiti? Even if the words are exactly the same, ask yourself if they truly have the same significance.
Now I realize that those of you who like to disagree with REASON will disagree with me simply because you can’t help it. However, for those of you who are reasonable, consider for a moment the fact that there is more you can give to even the most insignificant of messages, and if you “better” yourself when it comes to the little things, what that will do in terms of improving your everyday life.
Have A GREAT Day!
…Dr. Marc & The Mind Virus Team