Did you see the Super Bowl?
If you’re like millions of other people, you sat through a great game that was littered with one of the most horrific half-time shows that I have ever seen.
Now I realize that most people lack the ability of self-thought, but for those of us who CAN (and do) think for ourselves, the band that talked (not sang) through half-time, nearly made me puke. That wasn’t music – and don’t even think about blaming the audio or claiming that my feelings are a result of a “generational gap.” That band sucks. They’ve always sucked. And it appears that – beyond their one song, they felt the need to drive the last nail in the coffin by going out and having that chick ruin a classic Guns N’ Roses tune. Seriously – go find a replay of that performance, close your eyes, and just listen to that performance. Make sure you have a barf bucket within close proximity. I feel sorry for Axle Rose.
The producers of the half-time show probably sat down and said to themselves, “Hey – who is really HOT with the young kids right now?” Naturally, because most people are part of the herd and don’t want to go against the masses, a few lousy vocalists and/or groups usually make the list – even if what makes them popular is more about electronics and outfits rather than talent.
The producers of that half-time show are very similar to many moms in that they want to be “cool” in the eyes of the younger generation. Meanwhile, to their credit, the younger generation doesn’t completely lack an appreciation for talent. They appreciate many of the new artists who DO have great pipes, as well as many of the older artists (yes – from my generation) who have stood the test of time.
The folks who pay for the large screen television on which people had to endure that nightmare of a performance are the target market of advertisers. In other words, the half-time show should appeal to people like ME, not to my kids or your kids. Don’t agree? Just look at the commercials during the Super Bowl – commercials featuring Ozzy, Roseanne, and a parody by Motorola of the 1984 Apple spot (when they first introduced the Mac). There were also a lot of Budweiser commercials. Now anyone in their right mind knows what generation drinks domestic beer. Today’s younger generation sit right next to the chicks – drinking Mojitos and Cosmopolitans.
Most people think with the masses for one simple reason: Social Acceptance. It’s why some of you are now wearing steroid-induced sunglasses that look like they jumped out of the movie Cobra starring Sylvester Stallone. It’s why some of you “guys” wear certain brands of “chick jeans” that no REAL man would ever be caught dead in. And it’s why some of you stood up after viewing that half-time diarrhea festival and applaud with tears in your eyes. Yes, even after having watched a certain blond chick butcher the the national anthem, and yes -even after watching a bunch of people dressed in plastic and LED lights who can only sing if they are caged inside a studio and have a vocal synthesizer attached to their hip.
By the way, if you’re thinking that the producers succeeded in grabbing my attention (because I am sitting here and writing about it the next day), UNDERSTAND that most of my guests watching the Super Bowl got up and left the room just before the half-time performance. Sooo…if you are an advertiser who paid $$$$$$ for an ad that aired just before or after that train wreck of a performance, please know that at least a handful of your target audience was in the kitchen dipping Beanitos (my favorite chip) into a kick-ass salsa.
The sad fact is that most people who want to feel “IN” will be talking about that performance like it was deserving of a Grammy. I know – it’s pretty pathetic, but like everything else, it is what it is. The fact that those big wrap-around sunglasses (that set you back $100 in 2010) are “OUT,” and the oversized 70’s aviation sunglasses are “IN” – is all the evidence I need to make my point.
This circumstance also makes another more important point that you should anchor to your core: Even a big production – coordinated by “smart” people – during one of the most watched events on television, can violate the underlying structure of strategic marketing.
Here’s some advice to the producers of next year’s half-time show:
1). Plan A
Get a band from the 80’s or 90’s. If you have to, do whatever it takes to get The Police back together…or better yet, the original Guns N’ Roses.
2). Plan B
If Plan A doesn’t work, then get Justin Bieber to do a duet with Ozzy Osbourne. That’ll get at least half my attention.
MANDATORY:
Instead of having a bunch of paid idiots dressed in LED lights dancing on the field, PLEASE – PLEASE – PLEASE litter the stage with scantily clad women with small asses and big breasts…on poles. Make sure they are wearing little to nothing. Get Duran Duran to do a set that includes the tune Girls On Film, and then hire good looking porn stars to roll around on stage. The recipe is simple…and so is the execution.
STUPID ALERT: In case you are thinking that the Dark Lord (ME) is disgusting and that the half-time performance needs to be family-friendly, consider the fact that during the Super Bowl, there were a NUMBER of commercials that had very direct. BLATANT references to SEX.
Let’s see…there was the Mini Cooper ad called “Cram It In The Boot” featuring a gentleman attempting to cram things into the “boot” (trunk) of the Mini. The only thing missing from that commercial was Vaseline or KY. There’s an idea for next year’s Super Bowl: Have the guy first cram KY in the boot on the Mini – because, after all, that’s the considerate thing to do, AND THEN cram other long, firm items in the boot (i.e. a log, a giant salami, etc.).
And then there was the Kardashian commercial for Skechers. Hey – she is smokin’ and I AM talking about the ad, but how would you explain that commercial to a kid in grade school who is watching the Super Bowl simply because he or she is into football and wants to watch two teams compete for the greatest honor in football?
MOM: “Well you see honey, that man wearing his undies who is on top of Kim Kardashian is stretching her out after her workout. The reason she touched her right supple breast was because her right pec was sore. The reason that guy pulled Kim’s pelvis toward his pelvis was because he was doing a standing row. And that shot of her tush was intended to demonstrate the value of doing deep squats. Mmmmmmmmm”
So please…stop telling me how “WRONG” I am. We all know that, when it comes to marketing and reality, I AM your lord…your DARK LORD. We all know that the folks coordinating next year’s half-time show should be sitting down the Dark Lord, not a bunch of idiots who were primarily concerned about an aerial shot of dancers dressed in electric suits.
Have A GREAT Day!
…Dr. Marc – The Dark Lord of MIND VIRUS